Declaration of no Impediment to Marriage

The Declaration of no Impediment to Marriage is a document that you have to sign before your marriage ceremony. It will be on the reverse side of the Official Certificate of Marriage that you will sign on your wedding day.  It is usually signed at the rehearsal, or the last time that you meet with the celebrant before the big day. It must be signed before you are married. It can be signed on the day if needs be, but it has to be signed legally before the ceremony takes place.

This document is basically a Statutory Declaration that you are over the age of 18 and there is no legal reason that you cannot be married to the person that you are about to marry. (If you are under 18 years of age you can still sign the paperwork, but you have to get a court approval to be married and it must be to someone that is over the age of 18) It states that you are a person who has never been validly married, or that you are a divorced person, or a widow or widower, and that there is no reason you cannot be married to the person that you are marrying.

Photo from Love Journal. Check out more of their work here.

 

 

Getting ready for your wedding together

For a long time now tradition has been that the Bride and Groom don’t see each other until they reach the ceremony site and are about to be married. Over the years there have been a few new ideas implying that this isn’t the way that it has to be. For example there are ‘first look’ photo shoots. Some people now choose to have their formal portraits done before the ceremony so that they don’t have to go off and have their photos taken between the ceremony and the reception. Sometimes Love letters before the ceremony also have the couple seeing each other before the ceremony takes place.

Some couples are now deciding that they will get ready together, not worry about tradition, and just get ready at the same venue. Alternatively getting ready where they will be staying that night, so there is no dragging bags from one place to another.
There are good and bad points for this, I think. One of the bad things would be that you miss out on that lovely time that you get to spend with the bridesmaids and groomsmen if you are having them. Some of the weddings that I have been involved in, where I have been a part of the bridal party or spending time with the bride before hand when she is getting ready, is always a lovely and fun experience. Getting make up done, eating fruit platters and generally enjoying each others company until the ceremony.

Maybe getting ready in your family home was important, you could always both get ready there and have photos taken around your family home especially if your partners family were not close by.
Another popular idea is having a house near or at the wedding location so that all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen can all get ready with you. This way you get the best of both worlds. It could be a great way to have all of the photos done before the wedding ceremony so that you don’t have to have all the between time where you go off and be photographed. You can just have fun and socialise with your guests.

Some people also feel that it is just such a big day, they know they will feel really nervous and overwhelmed that they just want to get ready with their partner. They know that they are going to be spending a large portion of the day with other people they just want some relaxing quality time with the person that the day is really all about.

A huge thank you to Love Journal Photography for the brilliant photos on the blog this week. Check out more of their work here. Or check out their facebook page here.

Signing Legal Paperwork on your wedding day

There are quite a few legal documents that you have to sign when getting married.  On your wedding day you will be signing 3 documents during your wedding ceremony.  These 3 certificates need to be signed by the Bride and Groom. They each need to have a signature of one witness to the ceremony that is over the age of 18 and the celebrant (or minister/pastor/priest if in a church) needs to sign also.

The first is one of the official certificates, that gets sent to Births, Deaths and Marriages in the state where your wedding is held, for registration purposes.  This certificate has documentation called ‘Declaration of no Impediment to marriage’, (blog about that coming soon) on the back that is previously signed by the couple before the wedding ceremony that confirms that there is no reason that they cannot be married.
The second is another official certificate that is kept by the authorised celebrant or church, it will usually be in a big book that all of their previous weddings are recorded in.

The third is the ceremonial certificate that is kept by the couple. This is the pretty certificate. But unfortunately this cannot be used by the Bride to change her name, although I am told taking a copy with you on your honeymoon might help you get an upgrade to a fancier room. To change your name, you will have to get a copy of  your marriage certificate from Births, Deaths and Marriages. This process takes some time as the person who conducts your wedding has 14 days to register the marriage with Births, Deaths and Marriages. Then, Births, Deaths and Marriages can take a bit of time processing it. I generally recommend that couples wait around 6 weeks before applying for their official certificate from Births, Deaths and Marriages.

One thing to remember for all brides on their wedding day is, no matter if you are changing your name after you are married or not. You need to sign all of your paperwork in your maiden name, or name that you currently use. You must sign in the same name.

 

A big thank you to Love Journal photography for the use of their images on the blog this week. Check out their website and facebook, they have exciting things going on at their brand new studio. Check it out.

 

5 Tips to ensure you are the ideal wedding guest

There are a few things that you can do to be considered an ideal guest when attending a wedding. And there are things that you can do that can take the stress away from the couple and from a lot of other people.

1. RSVP on time.
Make sure that you RSVP by the date requested on the invitation and in the manner that they request you to. If they have an RSVP card, send that. If they request email, respond in that way. They are asking for it a certain way for a reason and speak up now about any dietary requirements.

2. Read the invitation.

Please  read the invitation and take notice of the things that it says. Take it with you if you won’t remember or think that it might be helpful. Take notice of all the important things, the time, the dress code, the venue of the ceremony and reception. Don’t message the Bride or one of the bridesmaids on the day asking any of these things!

3. Arrive close to the time that the ceremony will start.

I turn up at weddings early, that’s my job. There have been times when I arrive at the ceremony site, sometimes more than an hour before the ceremony is due to start, and there are guests there already. Don’t get there that early. Don’t stress out any vendors that are doing what they need to do before everything happens. Get there with enough time to get settled and allow a little time for traffic, but don’t get there way before. Don’t be late either. Don’t follow the Bride down the aisle, if you are late. Wait until you wont be noticed and sneak in. Or just don’t be late.

4. Don’t sit up the back.

If there are enough seats that it appears that everyone will be seated, make sure you sit. Also make sure that you don’t sit as far back as possible. Its a wedding, not a school bus. Obviously don’t sit in the front rows unless you are family. But don’t sit right at the back. There is nothing worse than a big gap of empty seats in the middle of the ceremony. The couple have paid money for you to sit in most of these circumstances. Also if there are only a limited number of chairs, don’t just sit down. Leave them for the elderly, disabled, and pregnant guests.

5. Respect the wishes of the couple.
If they ask for an unplugged wedding, put the camera/ phone down. I’ve blogged on a few occasions about unplugged weddings. Firstly, your phone should be on silent anyway, (this should be a no brainer) but if they have asked for no photos, don’t be that jerk who just takes them anyway. It’s their day, they should have the people that are attending respect their wishes. This also goes for social media. (and is just plain manners in my book) Don’t post photos to facebook or Instagram until the couple have, or they have provided you with a hashtag that they want you to use. How do you know if they want to share them with the world otherwise?

A big thank you again, to Love Journal Photography for the use of their images on the blog this week.  Visit their website by clicking here. Or follow them on facebook to see what they are up to.

Married at first sight

 

A few weeks ago, on channel 9, Married at First Sight aired. I really wasn’t sure what it was all about. I had seen the advertisements for it and to be honest it made me angry. So I really wanted to know what it was all about. I had to watch it even if it made me more angry.

The ads led me to believe that these couples were to be married when they hadn’t even met. I wasn’t impressed. For many reasons.

Firstly, all of the talk that they were going on about that it was like other arranged marriages. I’m not to sure how people feel about arranged marriages and if they work, but I believe that most of the time when arranged marriages occur it is to do with the culture of the people getting married.

Secondly, I was confused as to how these people would be married. What about the ‘Notice of Intended Marriage’ and all of the other things that are required for a legal marriage. This annoyed me on many levels. As a celebrant, I believe that the ceremony and the promises that are made during a ceremony are special, sacred and shouldn’t be taken lightly. I was concerned that this show would be making light of this moment, or asking people that have never met, to make sacred promises to a perfect stranger.

One of the things that really bothered me is that something like this could be advertised and made to look like these people are actually getting married the first time that they meet. We live in a country where not everyone has the right to marry the person that they love, but we can make a show where two people who have never met can really ground my gears. Really? What part of this isn’t rubbing it in the face of all those people who do not have the right to marry their partner. To me it was poor taste. I thought how can we have a show where people marry who don’t know of each other and have never met, how can we let this show make a mockery out of marriage.

THEN I WATCHED THE SHOW.

OK, so it’s not a legal marriage. I feel that this wasn’t explained enough. It was kind of brushed over a couple of times and maybe the celebrants involved made it clear during the ceremonies and it was just edited out. Who knows, but lets give them the benefit of the doubt. I just thought that it was a bit rich. I’m not sure how I would have felt about doing the show if I was invited to do it, but I just wonder how the celebrants involved feel asking these people to make promises to people that they have never met, when usually the promises that they help people share are between people that are in love.

I like that there are experts matching people with potential partners and that they are using numerous different methods to do this. I like that the people that they are matching up so far seem to be people that are suited to one another and all of these things are great. It makes for an interesting television show. I just don’t know how I feel about these people ‘getting married’, I understand that they are getting these couples to move in together and live as a married couple, who doesn’t like a big party and what better way to meet all of the other sides family and friends, but do they need to make them fake married?

Have you watched it?  What do you think?

Thank you to Love Journal Photography for the photos on the blog this week. Check out their website and facebook pages for more of their work.

Poem to a Parent

I recently conducted a wedding where the Bride had a wonderful idea (read the blog about it here). She had me read a poem to her Dad once he had walked her down the aisle. Before he sat down, a poem was read that thanked him for all he had done for and all he had taught his daughter, it was a beautiful and touching moment. There were quite a few tears shed already so early in the ceremony. A very proud moment for her Dad and a lovely way to say some things to your Dad, publicly.

This got me thinking about all of the people that you could do this for. I don’t mean have 7 or 8 people that you read letters out to, if there are that many people that need a special thank you, it is better if you do this in a different way. However, if there are people in your life that have done really wonderful things for you it can be a lovely thing to do in your ceremony. For example if your Grandmother had raised you, it could be an opportune time to say a few lovely words to let her know that it has shaped you into the person that you are.

It could also be a really touching way to say something about someone that has passed away. (I have blogged about this before, this can be an emotional and touchy subject). It could be a great way to say something about a very important person in your life that is no longer around to share your day with you.

You can also do this without it being public. What a nice thing to do to write a poem or just a heartfelt letter to someone special on your day, thank your Parents or maybe thank your Mother and Father in law for making your partner the person that you love so much.  You could also print something in your order of service booklets if you are having them, so that you can say some things but don’t really have to say it out loud. Especially if you think that there may be too much emotion involved.

Do you have any other original ideas of ways to thank people that are very special to you on your wedding day?

A big Thank-you to Love Journal Photography for the use of their photos on this weeks blog. Check them out on facebook or head on over to their website to see what they have been working on.

Your ceremony, the legal words required

 

The wonderful thing about getting married by a celebrant is that you can have your day your way, (see another blog about that here). You should have your wedding reflect you. When I meet with people I spend a bit of time talking with them about the legalities that are involved with the ceremony. As far as your ceremony wording goes there are not too many things that you legally have to have.  As far as the law is concerned you have to have the monitum and you have to have vows. Thats it. Your wedding could be over and finished in a matter of minutes, but why would you want that. (but if you did, it is ok too)

You have to include the monitum. It is said by the celebrant and must be said for your marriage to be valid. It explains the marriage under Australian Law. It must be said before the legal vows.

The monitum is:

I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law.

Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are now about to enter.

Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.

You then have to share vows.  In these vows you must use your full name, as it appears on your birth certificate, or passport (If you have been married once before, you use the name that you have been using), you cannot use nicknames or an abbreviation of your name. The rest of the ceremony you can be referred to as whatever you are known as for example your name is Debra and you use Deb, you must say Debra in your vows, and the rest of the ceremony you may be referred to as Deb.

The vows that you have to include are:

I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, A.B. (or C.D.), take thee, C.D. (or A.B.), to be my lawful wedded wife (or husband)

You can also choose to have personal vows as long as they do not contradict the legal vows. You can write your own, (see previous blog about it here). You can promise each other whatever you like, read song lyrics or copy vows from your favourite movie.

This is all that you legally have to have, no rings, no ‘do you take this man’, no ‘who gives this woman to be married to this man’. These are the only things that you MUST have. Rings are lovely, and there are lots of beautiful words that can be included when you are asking ‘do you take this man to be your husband/wife’. You can have lots of beautiful words that you can have your parents say to show their support for your marriage. Just remember though, all of that is up to you, how you want it and can all be tailored to you and your partner.

In saying that is all you have to have, most people want to have more than that and that is the beauty of it. Have things in it that are about you and your partner. Have readings, have warming of rings, have a candle ceremony, whatever you like. Make your day you. I say it often, but the best indication for me that a wedding is successful, (other than the Bride and Groom are happy) is when family and friends mention to me how much the ceremony suited the couple.

Have you been to a wedding that just suited the couple to a tee, or have you been to a wedding that was almost all legal wording? I’d love to hear about all the good and bad weddings you have experienced.

Thank-you to the team at Love Journal Photography for the use of their stunning images on the blog this week. Check out their website and follow them on facebook to see all their latest work.

 

Timing and Walking down the aisle

When I talk to people about walking down the aisle, a lot of questions come to mind. How long it is going to take? How quickly should I walk? Do we wait for the first bridesmaid to get to the ceremony spot before the next bridesmaid starts to walk? Should we fade out the music at the end, when everyone is in place? Should we have a different song for the bridesmaids? What if the part of the song I want to walk down to starts at 1 minute 15 seconds?

As far as my job is concerned this is one of the most talked about parts of the day. Have a good think about this and imagine how you want it to be and do just that. This is one of the perfect reasons to have a wedding rehearsal. (Read my blog here about 6 Reasons to have a Wedding Rehearsal)  Don’t worry about tradition or what you’ve seen at some other weddings, unless of course you loved what they did and want to do something similar. Simply do whatever you like. It’s your day, people are there to see you exchange your vows, and they can wait if they need to. What’s 2 minutes? Some of the loveliest entrances at weddings are when the guests have had to wait.

Holly and Simon chose to have Perth by Bon Iver playing as Holly entered the Hall. When we were having  the rehearsal, we all discussed that the song has a full minute of intro before the lyrics really kick in, and that is what Holly wanted to enter to. We decided that 1 minute isn’t a lot for people to wait. Walk in when you want. People can wait, they are there for your day, no other reason. You might as well have what you want.
Sean and Chloe had the Imperial March from Star Wars as they entered the stage in their theatre venue. Chloe didn’t want to walk down the aisle and this suited not only the venue, but them as a couple and what they are interested in.
Mel and Cat had the beautiful Day Too Soon, by Sia. They had the music start when the taxi pulled into view. A long song like Day Too Soon is perfect for something like this, it gave them plenty of time to get out of the taxi and then walk down the aisle.  I think it makes such a difference when people have songs with beautiful lyrics that mean a lot to them. It just makes it all the more special.

I have never been to a wedding and heard anyone say that the bride took too long to walk down the aisle or complaints about the song that was chosen. This is something that should mean something to the couple. Some couples choose to have their attendants walk in to a different song than the bride, especially when the groom has a song that he has always imagined the bride walking in to. It sometimes doesn’t ‘fit’ if her attendants walk in to that song too. I think that the song the bride walks down the aisle to is like the soundtrack for that part of the wedding. It tells a small part of the couple’s story if the song is important to them. It can create a huge amount of emotion, not just for the groom but for a number of the guests too.
Have you been to a wedding that was especially moving when the Bride entered because of the music? Or a wedding where the song choice left a lot to be desired? I’d love to hear about it.

Thank you to Love Journal Photography for the stunning images on the blog this week. See more of their work at by visiting their website or you can see what they are up to on facebook.

 

Meet your vendors

This is so important. Meet your vendors. It may sound like common sense or you may think that you can find out everything that you need to know from an email, but I cannot suggest strongly enough to meet the people that are going to be a part of your big day.

Of course send emails, call places and request that people get in touch with you online, but don’t leave it at that to make your decision. I get a lot of people emailing me asking how much I charge for a wedding. Which is fine, by all means get a price range, but why have you contacted me? Did someone recommend me? Did you see me conduct another wedding? did you find me on facebook? this blog? There must be some reason that you have contacted me, doesn’t it make sense not to meet me and see what I can bring to your day. I don’t think you can learn too much about how a person will help you in an email.  I understand that everyone has a budget, but I think that it is vitally important that you are happy with the person that is going to be conducting your wedding. You should feel happy and comfortable with them, and I don’t think you can find that out just by asking “how much do you charge?” in a email.

It is the same with the other aspects of your day. Meet the wedding coordinator at the venues that you like. It can make a huge difference in your day. I’m sure you won’t care if the venue you like is going to be an extra $200 if you have a coordinator that makes you feel good about the way you want your day to run, compared with someone that makes you feel that you have to do things exactly the way that they always do it. I’ve spoken to couples who have chosen their venue and paid, then the coordinator leaves and they are forced to have someone else look after them. It has changed the whole feel of the experience and some have even said that they probably would have not booked the venue if they had have known that the other person would take over.

It’s the same with flowers, your dress, everything. Photography is a great example, no one is going to care if they paid a couple of bucks more as long as they are comfortable with who is taking their photos. It will be obvious in the shots. Sometimes saving $50 is never worth the saving. It costs you more in headaches if there are issues along the way.

Meet with the people that will be involved with your day. How do they make you feel? Do you feel excited about the wedding that you have planned? Comfortable with what they will bring to the table for your day? If yes the they are probably a good fit. If they make you question what you have dreamed for your day, or make you feel not quite right, keep looking. The perfect person for your perfect day is out there.

Thank you again to Love Journal for the photos on the blog this week. Check out their website and facebook page for lots more amazing images.

Gifts for children in the Ceremony

Have you ever been to a wedding where children were given a gift in the ceremony? I have conducted a number of weddings where the Bride and Groom chose to give a gift to a child during the ceremony. It can be a lovely way to represent the joining of a family, or a beautiful way for couples who already have children to include and acknowledge the children in their ceremony. I have previously blogged about including children in the ceremony, you can read that blog here.

Weddings come in all different shapes and sizes, just like relationships themselves. Families are complicated and sometimes messy, but this doesn’t mean that it should be hard to include children and make them feel part of the whole wedding experience. Some people don’t really want to draw attention to the fact that they were in a previous relationship or have children to someone else. Realistically, in this day and age, there are a lot of people who have children. Irrespective of whether they are children from a previous relationship or of the couples own.

Presenting the children with a gift during the ceremony can be a great way to make sure that children feel that the wedding is about creating, or acknowledging that they are a family, not just that their parents are getting married or their parent is marrying someone that isn’t their other parent. Giving the child a gift can make them feel included in the day and can be a wonderful way to include promises that you wish to make to the child. This can be done with different ‘gifts’, some of the weddings that I have conducted where this has been included have both used jewellery. (You can read more about these ceremonies here and here)

Have you been to a wedding where children have been given gifts in the ceremony to represent promises made to them on the day?

Thank-you again to Love Journal Photography for the use of their photos on this weeks blog. Check out more of their work here, and see their facebook page here.