Having no children invited to your wedding

Having a ‘no children’ policy at your wedding. It’s always a hot topic and usually there is someone offended. I’m always hearing or reading about people who have very strong opinions on this topic. I have touched on it a little bit when I blogged about Keeping children entertained at your wedding, but what do you think? Don’t the bride and groom have the right to request that there be no children at the wedding?

I have been talking about this with numerous people. Couples getting married and parents also. The opinions are varied and I can see it from different angles. I can see it from the celebrants point of view, from the couples point of view and as a parent.

From the celebrants point of view, children are lovely and can add a really beautiful element to the wedding ceremony, especially when they are the couples children or a big part in the lives of the couple. They are super cute attendants, but don’t always do what people want them or expect them to do in the wedding. I love an extra cute child in a little suit and tie or a sweet little dress and I love promises being made to children in the wedding and helping join families not just couples together.

As a parent, things are totally different. For me there are two sides to this ‘coin’. On one side, If I’m off to a wedding, I think about my son. Can he sit still and keep quiet for the wedding? Will it be his nap time? Will he be a maniac on the day and run around like a little wild man? Will I actually be able to listen to what is going on or will I miss out on a lot of it, attending to my child? I know that there are many parents out there that are actually offended that their child isn’t invited to the wedding and if their child isn’t invited then they wont be attending. I don’t really understand that, sure I might have felt this way if I was invited to a wedding when my son was an infant, a sleeping little gorgeous grub, that really only woke to be fed and for a small window at a time. I think it is silly to think that a guest with a tiny weany baby should have to leave their child, (which is some cases is still being breastfed). Lets not cause any undue stress to baby or Mum having to leave her small little person behind for the wedding. Toddlers and small kids are totally different. They get into things, they touch things, fall off things and fall into things. You need 40 eyes and boundless energy to keep up with them. To me I don’t think it is unreasonable to have these children not invited to the wedding.

What do the couple think? I know that couples don’t say ‘no kids’ just to be nasty or make things more difficult for the parents, but there are so many variables to take into consideration. How child safe is the venue? What time is the wedding? There are so many reasons that there may be that the couple have made this decision. I believe that 99 times out of 100, (or maybe even more) they are not doing this because they don’t like your children, so don’t take it personally. One of my friends is having a wedding at a winery and we have spoken about their no children under 10 rule. I completely understand why they are doing it, but they are still worried about how some people may react. Their reason that they don’t want children there is there is a lake there and they don’t want to worry about what could possibly happen if someone’s child decides that they want to go and explore the water. They don’t want to be worried about other people’s children and let’s be real, crazier things have happened.

Should it be up to the parents to choose? What about those people who are coming to town from interstate? I can see it from all sides, I’m not sure how I would feel if I travelled interstate or overseas and all the people that I trusted were going to be at the wedding too? Not so bad if you are local, but for me it isn’t even that easy anymore. I can’t just leave my child with anyone now. I can’t just get a baby sitter and hope for the best. For me they have to know how to deal with a type 1 diabetic child. So I can see why some people may make this argument too.

Another thing to consider is not all parents are equal. There are some parents who do all the right things and make sure that their children are supervised, but there are some parents who like their children to be a lot more ‘free range’ than that and I think that sometimes that is what worries brides and grooms. I think these are the parents that just don’t watch their kids and think that everyone else at the wedding should be keeping an eye out for their children.

What do you think? Are you offended if your children are not invited to a wedding? Did you have or are you having a no child rule at your wedding?

Thanks to Vision House Photography for the use of their beautiful images. Check out more of their work on their website or like them on Facebook.

 

When a husband wants to take his wife’s last name

 

20 years ago this was never really heard of. A husband taking his wife’s last name. Some people might have changed there name by deed poll if their name was terrible, but no one really took their wife’s name when they got married. Nowadays it is very much a thing.

There are celebrities doing it and I know of at least two couples that are going to do this who are planning their wedding. Good on them and more power to them, but like anything new, there are people out there that are scared of it and who don’t like it. I have even heard of one guy who’s family are almost disowning him for his decision to take his wife’s name after they are married. What does it really matter? I know of another couple who adapted their names to make a new name, the husbands name was as common as it gets so they made a new very cool name. They started their family and used their new name. I think it is really lovely and a great way to make something that’s just theirs.

Names are so important and your name is part of who you are, however, I don’t think that it something that defines you. Some people don’t want to change their name when they get married and I am all for that too. For me, I wanted to be a part of a family where we all had the same name. Growing up, my mum remarried and she changed her name. The amount of times that I was called to the school office under my step dad’s name was annoying, nothing wrong with my stepdad or his name at all but it just wasn’t my name. It annoyed me that they couldn’t be bothered to get my name right. I am forever trying to pronounce people’s names properly as I believe names are really important.

 

If a groom wants to change his name, go for it! Be who you want to be and take your wife’s name. Or make up a new one together. Who cares? Do you think that it is a big deal for a man to take a woman’s name?  If it’s such a big deal, why has it almost always been expected for a woman to take her husband’s name. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Guests that don’t turn up on the day of your wedding

I recently saw an article about a bride who sent bills to all of the guests that didn’t turn up to her wedding. I spent some time reading through all of the comments that were under the article. There were lots of people that agreed and a lot who didn’t. But really, can you send a bill because someone doesn’t turn up? What do you think?
I have perviously blogged about being sick on someone’s wedding day and believe that sometimes these things can’t be helped. But what about those people that just don’t show up? A couple or a family of people? What do you do then? I had quite a small wedding and there was one person who RSVP’ed that they were coming and didn’t show up. Of course we were hurt and upset, but it wasn’t the end of the world. If they had of said they couldn’t make it we would have been disappointed and we wouldn’t have had to pay for their meal. However not for a moment did I think that they owed me what it cost for the meal.

I’m not sure how you can word this kind of ‘bill’ and really is it worth your friendship over the price of a meal. It might be a funny thing to send if you didn’t particularly like the person but then I’m not sure why they were on the guest list to begin with. If you are that keen to write of the friendship or lack there of then maybe do it before the wedding and save yourself the time, money and looking like a crazy person. If I got a bill for not turning up to someone’s wedding, even though I think that is rude, you can bet if I would be talking about it to my friends, family and colleagues. I don’t know if I would have put it all up on facebook, but I’m sure a lot of people I know would know about it!
What do you think? Is the cost of someones meal worth kicking up all of that fuss and potentially loosing a friend, or do you think that if someone doesn’t show up on one of the most important days of your life that they should pay?

A big Thank you to Love Journal Photography for their images this week, check out their work on their website, or follow them on facebook.

Exchanging Wedding day gifts

What do you think about couples exchanging gifts with one another on their wedding day? I think it has been something that has been done for years. I’m not totally sure how I feel about it all. I like the idea of a gift, but with all of the other craziness that goes along with the wedding does it just get a little lost amongst everything else? Another something to spend money on? Or is it a great excuse to get something that you have wanted for a while? I know lots of people that have exchanged gifts and others that have not. Is it not enough to have to think about gifts for your attendants let alone for your partner as well?

There are a few thoughts that come to my mind if my husband and I were to renew our vows, but I don’t know that these gifts need to cost the earth. What about a beautiful letter that you have written to each other? Cards and words cost little but can mean so much. I have previously blogged about love letters before the ceremony and this is a great gift that you can give to your partner, and can be especially lovely that it is just something that you and you alone read.
I also asked the question on my facebook page and had some lovely ideas given there. Some people were all for a gift and some believed that the rings were enough. There were some great ideas. A pen that you could use for signing your documents and to keep afterwards. This is a lovely idea. If you do this, make sure the pen is black and that it is working before the ceremony. I’m a bit of a neat freak with my paperwork as a celebrant and would want to know that they were all good to go before hand, but it is lovely to think that you could have it engraved and this could be something that is even used by your children at their weddings or used to sign guest books at their 21st birthday parties. (I’m a bit sentimental when it comes to things like that, my poor son!)
Would you consider something that you give to each other to be opened at a certain anniversary? The wine box or time capsule idea where you have guests write you well wishes that can be opened on a special year. Perhaps a special wine or whiskey that could be set aside.
Sometimes I agree with the other side of the argument too, you’ve spent so much already on this big day and event, your already exchanging vows and rings. What do you think? I guess it depends on the gift, the people and the money that people can afford to spend. I think though, there is nothing nicer than some lovely words or even a scrap book of photos and beautiful memories of your time together so far. Have you been to a wedding where there were crazy, extravagant gifts exchanged between the couple?

Thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their photo, check out their facebook page and website for their latest work.