Are there things that you regret not doing or having on your special day? I thought I would put this post together for those who are getting married, to think about. Also for those who are married, so that they know they are not the only ones who have regrets about their wedding days.
There are lots of things that you need to consider when planning your wedding and lots of decisions that have to be made, compromises and priorities have to be worked out. There are so many people that need to be considered in the decision making process too; take your time and make sure that you think everything through. Not everything will be the right decision every time, but do make sure you give them due thought.
Also there is a big difference between things that you regret and things that you would do differently after a number of years. There are a lot of things that I would do a little differently (hairstyles, music, guest lists) but there are not a lot of things that I really regret. So don’t get too stressed out about things that you might regret, but keep some of other people’s regrets in mind and it might just help you avoid regrets of your own and only have things you wished you did a little differently.
Some of the common things that I hear from people and the feedback that I received on my facebook page, (click here to go to my facebook page.) and people messaged me about were these:
Regret #1: Inviting people that you really don’t want there.
This is a really special day, and in most cases an intimate, lovely, loving moment that you and your partner are sharing. You’re pouring out your heart and making promises to one another, it makes sense that you would only have the people that are nearest and dearest to you there to witness this right? Well, maybe not. You will have all those really special and wonderful people there, but then there are always people that you feel like you have to invite, or all of the people that your families want you to invite. The list sometimes includes people that you feel that you have to invite, if you invite W&X then Y&Z really have to come, as they are part of the same friends circle. Or you can’t invite only 3 out of your 5 cousins. It can be a problem and it can create tension between you, as the couple getting married and family members and friends.(and sometimes between you and your partner!).
So what do you do? This is something that you as a couple have to decide, depending on how strongly you feel about this. I personally didn’t have too many people that I didn’t want at my wedding. This did cause some fights with people and I did have one relative call me and tell me that I shouldn’t have the wedding I wanted because they wanted to share my special day. Funnily enough, I told them they could come to the church and a BBQ the next day if they wanted to be there, but no, they wouldn’t come if they couldn’t go to the reception. There are always people that you wished you had invited, but at the time we invited all the close and important people in our lives. We also chose a venue that was limited to 50 people, that way there wasn’t any room to move on numbers, no last minute feeling bad and adding extras to the list. Of course there were some people that missed out, that I would have liked there, but I was also very adamant that I wanted a quality wedding rather than a quantity wedding. I wanted it to be wonderful and special rather than serve yourself wedding in a tin shed, or a bring a plate wedding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this style of wedding, it just wasn’t my dream wedding.
Regret #2: Not going on your honeymoon soon after your wedding.
A few people have messaged me about this point. Some people choose to delay their honeymoon for various reasons and it is a very personal choice, I have blogged previously about honeymoon decisions, you can read that blog here. Sometimes financial and work obligations make going on a honeymoon straight away impossible for some people, but some of those I spoke to said that when you wait too long to go on your honeymoon, it just feels like a holiday and is separated too much from the wedding itself. Some of them suggested that if you are going to have your long honeymoon trip later down the track, maybe just have a few days away somewhere and enjoy just spending some time alone, and winding down from all that is involved with making your day one of the best of your lives. It is nice to be able to go back and talk about all of the wonderful things that happened on the day, and realise that it’s not often that you get to have all the people in your life that mean the most to you all in one place at one time. I have heard of couples getting married on a Saturday and then returning to work on the Monday and feeling quite let down and that it took a lot of the loveliness away from the wedding day.
Regret #3: Doing too much DYI.
DYI is great! IF you love it and IF you are good at it. It can save you money and it can add a lovely personal touch to your day. But this can cause more trouble than it is worth, sometimes the money that you thought that you would save can end up back firing on you or costing you more in time and sanity than it is worth. Sometimes countless hours on the computer and time spent on getting the invitations right, plus ink, plus posting odd sized envelopes can outweigh ordering them online.
Regret #4: Having family members or friends do things that you should pay someone for.
This is another part of the DYI thing, having your Nanna make all the bridesmaids dresses, and they turn out a certain way, it can be frustrating and difficult to bring this up, if it’s not what you had envisioned or planned. What if the person is normally wonderful, but is having a bad day? Just because someone is a fantastic landscape photographer, it doesn’t mean that they will do your wedding photography justice. (Sorry to all of you who read my blog each week, but you know how I feel about how important wedding photos are, or you can check previous blogs about this here and here.).
There are ways around it if your friends or family are over zealous about helping out, you can tell them that you would rather they just relax and enjoy the day, than put that stress onto them. Or beat them to it, and bring up the issue with them before they can tell you that they expect to be able to make the cake for you. Sometimes it really is best to pay professionals for certain parts of the wedding day. Sometimes the cost outweighs the headache and potential family feuds.
Regret #5: Choosing the dress too early.
This can be a real issue for some of those brides that are super organised and choose their dress as soon as they are engaged; remember, that styles change, your tastes change and your body shape can change. Unless it is the dream dress that you have had in your mind since you were 7 years old, try on a lot of different styles and some that you might not normally wear to see what looks the best. I personally wouldn’t be looking into getting the dress until your reception centre is booked and the ball is rolling on all the other parts of the wedding.
Is there anything else that you can think of that you or someone close to you regrets about their wedding day?
Deb Scherger Marriage Celebrant 