Can people object at a wedding

I’m not sure why, but I’ve seen a couple of articles about people objecting at weddings lately.  It baffles me a little as I feel that objecting to weddings is such a movie thing. Do they ask in church services anymore? I haven’t been to too many church weddings in the last 10 years, so I’m not sure what the ‘standard’ thing to do there is. Movies! I blame movies! All these ‘romantic’ movies about someone sweeping in and objecting to the marriage because they are so in love with one of the people getting married. At the last minute they rush in and always stop the wedding or object as to why the wedding should be stopped.

I’ve had couples ask me if I will ask if anyone objects. No way! It’s not a requirement of the law, why would anyone ask it?  There are a couple of reasons that I don’t want to ask the question. Firstly, it’s awkward. It’s an odd question and how long do you pause for? Do you look around at all the people there? Do you rush through the pause and not wait long, like you almost expect someone to jump up or raise their hand? Absolutely not! I don’t want any of that added pressure that doesn’t need to be there.

Secondly, I don’t want to risk having to stop a wedding and not be able to proceed with a wedding. If someone actually objected it would be my obligation to look into it. Especially if it wasn’t as simple as an ex lover who was professing love. I don’t like the idea of having to stop a wedding. There are times that it has to be done, if someone clearly is drunk or under the influence of drugs. See my post about drinking on your wedding day. Again something really awkward to come back from. How does one bring your guests back from that? How does one explain that? It’s not really something that I really want to have to have a contingency plan for.

An article that I have recently read gave lots of examples for objecting. Half of them just read as movie scripts or stories that had been made up. The rest sounded like people really knew that their family or friends shouldn’t have been invited and they should have known that these people may have done something like that. Some other stories were about ‘jokes’. I love a good joke but to me a legal binding ceremony isn’t the place to play a practical joke on someone.

Do you think that its a relevant question anymore? Have you been to an actual wedding in the last 5- 10 years where the question has been asked?

Thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their photos. For more of their work reach out to them on Facebook.

‘No ring, No bring’ rule

 

There has been some talk lately about the ‘no ring, no bring rule’ for guests and people bringing a plus one.  Discussions were suggesting that you only invite some guests to bring a partner to the wedding if they are engaged, or married. I found this all very interesting. I don’t really think there is a one rule for everyone approach to this. There are a lot of factors that should be considered when you are making up your guests list and inviting partners. It is a touchy and interesting subject that there will be varying opinions about, the same as having children at your wedding. There will always be someone who is offended if you don’t attach a plus one to their invite, but you would think that most people will be happy to be invited.

Consider your budget.

Can you afford to have people who may be single or not in a committed relationship bringing a partner to the wedding? If it isn’t a problem that they come, why not let people bring someone with them right? If you are on very limited numbers as it is and your friend isn’t seeing anyone exclusively maybe it doesn’t matter if they come on their own to your wedding.  If your wedding is a champagne on the beach celebration where people bring a picnic, and you didn’t let single people bring a plus one, that may be seen as a little offensive. But there is the other side of the coin where if you are having a fine dining experience for 35 guests, it wouldn’t seem strange to only invite people without a plus one.

Venue.

If your venue only holds 100 people and the guest list is tight, people should understand if they can’t have a plus one on the invitation. If you were having  the wedding on a paddle steamer and could only have a certain number people should understand. It’s a tough process to work out who you leave on and off the list.

 

Will they know anyone else at the wedding?

I think this is a huge factor, and it’s hard if the people getting married are the only people that the guest knows, it makes sense to me to have someone there that they can bring. For some people it is really hard to strike up a conversation and will really feel uncomfortable having no one else that they know there. I guess it depends on how much you want that person at your wedding. If you really want them there and they don’t really know anyone else that well maybe its worth having them bring a plus one so that you don’t have to be worried that they are ok and feeling like you need to have someone check on them or keep spending time hoping they are having a good time.

Who the guest is.

At my wedding it was really small but my Gran was traveling a long way, it wasn’t really a plus one as such but I suggested that maybe she bring one of her sisters, or a friend with her just so that she was ok, not just with the wedding itself but to have someone staying with her while she was there. Sometimes it’s hard or scary for the elderly especially at night, sometimes other relatives would take them but if that isn’t the case maybe having them able to bring someone makes a difference if they could attend or not. Maybe someone with special needs and would feel better having someone with them.

 

Maybe one of your friends has just separated from a partner, and the wedding might be really tough for them, they may need some extra support and you might want to consider them bringing someone with them, again it really depends who else is going and will there be anyone there from a bigger circle of friends or relatives that they can feel supported by.

I think the whole ‘no ring, no bring’ is  silly, some people don’t want to get married or can’t, it’s silly to call it a ‘no ring, no bring’ rule. I do think though if your mate is a happy single, between partners, hopefully looking or a tinder regular (which is fine, no judgement here) he or she would understand that you probably don’t want to pay for the meal of someone that you will maybe never see again. There are always reasons that you might or might not invite people and I think it is always a case by case situation. What do you think?

A big thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their photos on the blog this week. You can see more of their work on their website or check them out on Facebook by clicking here.

 

Wedding day selfie

Will you be taking a wedding day selfie and uploading it to your instagram or facebook before your day is over? It is one of those things, people are either getting it done and up on social media between the ceremony and the reception, or they are waiting until the next day to share their pictures. Although I have conducted a few weddings that where not mentioned at all on social media, one in particular I remember seeing some photos a few weeks after the wedding. These photos were only there for a day or so and it looked like they were asked to remove them. It seemed as though the couple didn’t want any photos from their day shared on social media at all.

What do you think when you are seeing a wedding being uploaded on social media? Especially when the couple share a selfie as soon as they are married, before they have finished their day? Do you wonder why they are on their phones as soon as they get a chance? Do you think great! I wanted to see something from their big day as soon as possible? Do you think it is a smart move getting in before someone else announces their own news?

There are a lot of couples that impose a ban on uploading until they have done so, which as a celebrant I have been asked to mention at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. It seems like common sense to me, but then, all to often, common sense isn’t all that common. It makes me really cross when I see people announcing other people’s wedding news and baby news. I have previously blogged about Announcements on Social Media.

Social Media at your wedding is yet another thing that is totally up to the individual and having as little or as much of it incorporated into your day should be decided by you as a couple. What are your thoughts on social media during your day?

A big thank you to Untamed Images for the beautiful images on the blog this week. Check out their website and facebook pages here.

Exchanging Wedding day gifts

What do you think about couples exchanging gifts with one another on their wedding day? I think it has been something that has been done for years. I’m not totally sure how I feel about it all. I like the idea of a gift, but with all of the other craziness that goes along with the wedding does it just get a little lost amongst everything else? Another something to spend money on? Or is it a great excuse to get something that you have wanted for a while? I know lots of people that have exchanged gifts and others that have not. Is it not enough to have to think about gifts for your attendants let alone for your partner as well?

There are a few thoughts that come to my mind if my husband and I were to renew our vows, but I don’t know that these gifts need to cost the earth. What about a beautiful letter that you have written to each other? Cards and words cost little but can mean so much. I have previously blogged about love letters before the ceremony and this is a great gift that you can give to your partner, and can be especially lovely that it is just something that you and you alone read.
I also asked the question on my facebook page and had some lovely ideas given there. Some people were all for a gift and some believed that the rings were enough. There were some great ideas. A pen that you could use for signing your documents and to keep afterwards. This is a lovely idea. If you do this, make sure the pen is black and that it is working before the ceremony. I’m a bit of a neat freak with my paperwork as a celebrant and would want to know that they were all good to go before hand, but it is lovely to think that you could have it engraved and this could be something that is even used by your children at their weddings or used to sign guest books at their 21st birthday parties. (I’m a bit sentimental when it comes to things like that, my poor son!)
Would you consider something that you give to each other to be opened at a certain anniversary? The wine box or time capsule idea where you have guests write you well wishes that can be opened on a special year. Perhaps a special wine or whiskey that could be set aside.
Sometimes I agree with the other side of the argument too, you’ve spent so much already on this big day and event, your already exchanging vows and rings. What do you think? I guess it depends on the gift, the people and the money that people can afford to spend. I think though, there is nothing nicer than some lovely words or even a scrap book of photos and beautiful memories of your time together so far. Have you been to a wedding where there were crazy, extravagant gifts exchanged between the couple?

Thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their photo, check out their facebook page and website for their latest work.

Drinking before your wedding ceremony

Lots of couples mention drinking before the ceremony and are all very quick to point out that they won’t have too many. I’ve seen quite a few articles on the net talking about celebrants telling their couples that they are not to have any alcohol at all before the ceremony.  Well that is news to me. Firstly, I’m not a booze bus or the fun police, really why can’t people have a champagne when getting ready, or a drink in the car with the groomsmen? There is nothing in the marriage act that says that you have to have a zero blood alcohol content.

A lot of couples that I have conducted weddings for have had a drink before the ceremony. There is nothing wrong with one or two drinks, but that should be about as far as you go. Drunk couples are not a classy affair and there is plenty of time to drink as much as you like at the reception.  Unfortunately, if you are in an altered mental state to an extent that this could impair your ability to consent to the marriage, then the marriage cannot take place.

If you appear that your aren’t quite aware what is going on, then you have 2 options. The wedding can be called off. This can be embarrassing but I think turning up to your wedding drunk is embarrassing enough in itself. This is a really tough situation to be in. Thank goodness this hasn’t happened to me as yet and I hope it never does.  Not an ideal situation to be in and I can only imagine the expense. The other option that you would have is to have the ceremony without all of the legal bits. You can always do the legal component a few days later or even weeks later if necessary. Have all of the festivities as you would a normal wedding just have the legals done at a time when you were not under the influence.

Really though, for everything that  you go through to make your wedding a special and wonderful day, you and your partner deserve better than having either of you turning up that drunk. Enjoy your day, just save the serious drinking for after the ceremony.

Thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their image on the blog this week. Check out their website here or their facebook page by clicking here.

Inviting some guests to the ceremony only

Would you consider inviting select guests to the ceremony only? Do you let them know that they are not invited to the reception or pretend like it is a ceremony only wedding? (I have blogged about Ceremony only weddings here if you want to read more about them)
I think this one is really tough and think that there are only a few situations that you can do this yet I still don’t really understand how you can do this without offending people. I know that on a few occasions my sister has been invited to the ceremony only part of a wedding. I remember thinking that it is was quite odd. It kind of feels like we like you, but not enough that we will pay for your meal.  The celebrant part of me gets it in a way. I’m used to attending just the ceremony of a wedding, and to me the ceremony is the wedding. The party afterwards is the gravy, awesome and great fun. I love the celebration, but if there isn’t a reception, the couple are still married.

I have heard that people want to invite all the people from their church or work group to come along to the ceremony but not invite them to the wedding. I wonder though, do people feel that if they are invited to the ceremony should they be invited to the reception. I’m not sure how you would word this on the invitation and how do you keep track of the RSVP’s? Is a gift expected if you don’t get an invite to the reception? It is all a bit confusing for me.

We had people come to our wedding because they wanted to come to the ceremony and we hadn’t invited them. One of my uncle’s drove trucks and made sure that he drove through Mildura on my wedding day so he could see it. It was a lovely surprise. We didn’t really mind if people came to the ceremony, but our reception venue only held 50 people. I did have one of my relatives ring me up and ask why they weren’t being invited to the wedding at all. Once I said that there was only space for 50 guests, they suggested that I change the venue and have it catered by another relative. I replied that this was where I had my heart set on and that I wasn’t changing it. They said that they wanted to be a part of my special day, despite not having seen me for a number of years. I suggested that they could come over when I was in my track suit and we could have a special day together. This didn’t really go over too well. I then mentioned that we were having a BBQ the following day at my in-laws house and, if they wanted to, they could attend that. If they would like, they were more than welcome to come to the ceremony. Funnily enough, they didn’t come to either and I’ve probably seen them twice in the 16 years that I have been married. What I’m trying to say is that unless someone asked me, or questioned where their invite was, I didn’t think to invite people just to the ceremony, only as I’m not sure how I would feel if someone asked me to so that.

The only experience that I have had with a similar thing to this, was one of my work colleges had their wedding in their home on a Friday and that was a really small intimate affair where they had a ceremony and a lovely sit down meal with about 15 of their immediate family. The night after they had a finger food reception in a basement of a pub and it was fantastic. I get this that sometimes you want to have just a really intimate ceremony and then a party with all the people that you couldn’t invite to the small affair.  My best friend did the same thing, (you can read all about her wedding renewal of vows here), where a select group of family and friends came on the boat journey for the ceremony and a lunch and  then everyone met up for a huge awesome party at the end. I can see why people might want to do things like this and just have the ceremony small and intimate. I’m just not sure that I understand when people do it the other way around.
What do you think? Would you be offended and not go to the wedding, if you were only invited for the ceremony? Do you think that if people are invited to the ceremony that they should be invited to the wedding?

A big thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their beautiful images on the blog this week. You can see their website by clicking here. Or view their facebook page too.

Bathroom survival kits

More and more I am seeing bathroom survival kits at weddings. They are lovely bathroom details and I think incredibly thoughtful. Lots of couples are suppling a survival type kit in the bathroom at their weddings including all sorts of things that a guest may need. From pain killers, to safety pins, to hairspray and tampons.

They are  such a wonderful idea and I have seen them being put to use even in the relatively short time that I am at a wedding. One thing that you would want to take note of, or even measure, is what sort of space is going to be in the bathrooms at the venue. Especially if you are buying baskets or something to store your survival kits in. You don’t want to be making a trip to exchange the wrong size baskets the day before the wedding. Also check if you have exclusive use of these bathrooms or not. If you are having any children attending the wedding, you may want to look at how high up these survial kits are going to be. You don’t want any of the kids getting their hands on the panadol!

Some suggestions for what to put in these kits are:

Ladies Bathrooms

* pain killers (panadol or advil)

* safety pins / mini sewing kit

* hairspray

* mints / breath spray/ dental floss

* spray deodorant

* tissues

* bandaids

* moisturiser

* cotton buds

* comb or brush / bobby pins / hair ties

* pads/ tampons

* stockings

* party feet

* Hydrolite/ Immodium tablets

* rennie / milanta tablets

* nail file / clear nail polish/ nail polish remover

* make up/ blotting sheets

* lint brush

* sunscreen/ bug spray

Mens Bathroom

* pain killers (panadol or advil)

* safety pins / mini sewing kit

* hairspray/ hair wax

* mints / breath spray/ dental floss

* spray deodorant

* tissues

* bandaids

* moisturiser

* cotton buds

* comb or brush

* Hydrolite/ Immodium tablets

* rennie / milanta tablets

* shoe polish

* lint brush

* sunscreen/ bug spray

Obviously this list could go on forever and you are only limited by your imagination, budget and the size of the bench or basket. There are plenty of great little poems that you can use to ask your guests to use what they need and leave the rest for the other guests. Or you could simply have a little sign that says ‘with complements from the newlyweds’.

What do think about bathroom survival kits, have you been to a wedding that has had one? Are you planning to have one on your special day? Is there any essentials that you think must be included?

A big Thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their photos on the blog this week. Check out what they have been up to recently on facebook or you can click here to go to their website.

Further thoughts on unplugged weddings

I have blogged before about unplugged weddings and have heard a lot of discussion on the topic. I recently conducted a wedding where the couple were very specific about having an unplugged wedding. Before the bride entered the ceremony site I said :
(Groom) and (Bride) ask you to all  to please take a moment to check that your mobile telephones and all of your electronic devices are switched off. Please do not spend the ceremony today watching through a phone or camera, please be in the moment, give it your attention fully and enjoy what is a very special and sacred moment in (Groom) and (Bride’s) lives.

 

After I said these words, I heard murmurs throughout the guests, one even said. “Really? That’s weird” to the person sitting next to them. I didn’t really know how to feel about it. It doesn’t bother me if they think that I’m weird or what I’m saying is something that they find weird, but I didn’t know how to feel on behalf of the couple. It was their wishes not mine. I really don’t mind if people take a million photos or not a single one. The day isn’t about me. It is about the two people that are exchanging vows on the day. The people that are becoming married that invited them to the wedding, that have asked it. I was annoyed that their guests didn’t respect what they wanted. Admittedly the ‘that’s weird’ girl wasn’t one of the people that continued to photograph throughout the ceremony. There were numerous people and not just a couple of sneaky quick pic’s. (Although I’m sure the very experienced photographer that they hired, got enough shots for everyone) People still continued with lots of flash photography.  If I was going to be rude enough to continue to photograph when the people who’s wedding it was had expressly asked not too, I think I would at least turn the flash off the camera so that it wasn’t blindingly obvious.

Should this sort of thing be printed on programs? I’m not sure if this is something that needs to be told to people in advance, on the programs or possibly on the invitations. Or a chalk board that the page boy carries.

Should I have been annoyed on their behalf? Maybe it is just because I get to know these people and I want things to go exactly how they want it. I just hope that they were ok with it all. Was my wording not clear enough? Is it something that needs to be spelled out more than that? Have you been to an unplugged wedding? What are you thoughts?

Thank you again to Betty and Keith from Untamed Images, for their lovely images on this weeks blog. Have a look at their website or follow them on Facebook to be kept up to date with their most recent weddings.

Candle Ceremony

The Candle Ceremony is sometimes called the Unity Candle Ceremony. These are becoming more popular in weddings than in the past years. All of the candle ceremonies that I have been a part of the ceremonies were all held in chapels. Thank goodness as I think that they would be very difficult to conduct if the couples were having their wedding outdoors.

The candle ceremony usually consists of one centre candle, the unity candle, that is lit by the Bride and Groom using two separate candles that have been lit to represent their families. The unity candle represents that they are now creating their own family. It is a wonderful way to include family members into the wedding ceremony. A lot of the time the mothers of the Bride and Groom light the candles that represent the individual families. The couple will then take those candles and light the candle that represents the new family that they are creating. This can be done while music is played however I tend to think that it is important to explain the symbolism behind it.

It can be a symbol for the two families and their love for the Bride and Groom and uniting to one new family. It can also represent the union of two individuals, becoming one in commitment. In most cases, the two smaller candles or the candles that are representing the families are left burning and replaced in their holders where they originally were lit. This signifies the love that the family have for the Bride and Groom and how this will always continue.

When the ceremony is performed to symbolise the joining together of the couple, sometimes the individual candles may be blown out to suggest that their two lives have been permanently merged. I, however, think it is nice for them to be left burning beside the central candle symbolising that the Bride and Groom, although they have become one in commitment, do not need to have lost their individuality.

What do you think about the candle ceremony in a wedding? Do you think it is a lovely way to include family, or think it is a little cheesy?

Thank you to Untamed Images for the stunning photos on the blog this week. Have a look at their website by clicking here, or see their latest work as it happens by checking out their facebook page.

Your day, your way.

Your wedding day is one of the most beautiful days of your life. You should do it your way. You get to make promises to your favourite person in the world. It shouldn’t be done any other way than the way you want it. Especially with your ceremony.

I know I am a celebrant, and it’s the part of the day that I am involved in, but I think the ceremony is probably the most important bit. Without the ceremony and the promises, it’s just a big (and sometimes very expensive) party. There are people out there that are really concerned about the party and not so much the marriage. Not so much the people that I have married, thank goodness! I don’t know how I would go with that, but I know ‘of’ these people that is for sure.

Some of the loveliest weddings that I have conducted and been to are weddings were people have done it to suit their personalities. They were the perfect wedding for them and if someone else had that wedding it would have been out of place.  These weddings have just been the perfect fit for these people, and that has been what has made them so wonderful.

That is what I aim to help you do, I want to make your wedding represent you. I know I tend to go on a little bit about it, but it really is one of the best days where you have all the people that mean the most to you there. A lot of the time it is costing you a considerable amount of money so you should dream big and have exactly what you want. Talk it over, sit down and write a list of all the things you want on your day and go from there. I’ve spoken before about what you legally need to have in your wedding, and it isn’t really that much, the rest is up to you and your partner.
From a selfish point of view, I don’t want to be conducting weddings that are the same. I love writing a bespoke wedding, (read my blog about Bespoke Weddings here) I like the whole process of getting to know people and creating a ceremony that is uniquely about the people getting married. How boring to be going out and just delivering the same few ceremonies over and over again.  You spend hours getting flowers, a dress, the food and all of these things just as they should be and the ceremony should be the same. Your day, your way.

One of the best parts of my job is when someone that I haven’t met comes up to me after a ceremony and goes out of their way to tell me that it was a beautiful ceremony, that it suited the couple so well. I love that moment. These people don’t have to say nice things to me about the day, they don’t have to speak to me at all if they don’t want to, but it is an amazing moment for me when this happens.
Have you been to a wedding that was just perfection for the couple? Or have you been to the opposite, where it was just like someone had cut and paste where the couples names needed to be?

Thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their photos on this weeks blog. Go onto their facebook page and see all of their latest weddings, and view their website here.