Letters from loved ones

I love a good letter. I love reading them and I love writing them. It’s like a good card. I always feel like they are worth the effort and they are something that I hold on to. I’m sentimental with that sort of thing and even started writing to my children even before they were born. I write them a letter at every birthday and have been putting them away to give to them when they are older.  I’m not sure what prompted me to start doing these things but it’s something that I would have loved to have had myself. Every birthday I sit and write them a letter about the year, the things they have done to make me laugh and that make me proud. A reminder to them that they can be themselves, and no matter what that looks like, they will be loved.

At my wedding I wrote a letter for my best friend, my bridesmaid. I gave my husband a card but didn’t know too much about weddings back then and in hindsight, could have written him a letter and had someone else read it out as part of our ceremony.

Recently, I have had a few people who have had guests who were unable to attend their ceremony. I mentioned that it might be a nice thing to do to have their loved ones write them a letter. They can have it read out, or not. I personally think it would be lovely to have it read by someone else before the couple read it themselves. Just be sure to have someone check the length of it and make sure there were no huge surprises in it!

You could ask them to include advice for your marriage, or well wishes for your future together. They could include memories of their weddings, memories of when you met as a couple or it could be as simple as just them choosing a poem, a blessing or if you are religious, a prayer.
I think that it is a wonderful way to include family that may be unable to travel to the wedding. Especially if they are very close to you. If your Grandparent has played a huge role in your life and is unable to travel, or if your best friend lives overseas and simply cannot afford to be at your wedding. It would be a lovely way to include them on your wedding day.

Thank you to Kirralee for the use of her images on this blog, check out more of her work here or find her facebook page by clicking here.

 

 

‘No ring, No bring’ rule

 

There has been some talk lately about the ‘no ring, no bring rule’ for guests and people bringing a plus one.  Discussions were suggesting that you only invite some guests to bring a partner to the wedding if they are engaged, or married. I found this all very interesting. I don’t really think there is a one rule for everyone approach to this. There are a lot of factors that should be considered when you are making up your guests list and inviting partners. It is a touchy and interesting subject that there will be varying opinions about, the same as having children at your wedding. There will always be someone who is offended if you don’t attach a plus one to their invite, but you would think that most people will be happy to be invited.

Consider your budget.

Can you afford to have people who may be single or not in a committed relationship bringing a partner to the wedding? If it isn’t a problem that they come, why not let people bring someone with them right? If you are on very limited numbers as it is and your friend isn’t seeing anyone exclusively maybe it doesn’t matter if they come on their own to your wedding.  If your wedding is a champagne on the beach celebration where people bring a picnic, and you didn’t let single people bring a plus one, that may be seen as a little offensive. But there is the other side of the coin where if you are having a fine dining experience for 35 guests, it wouldn’t seem strange to only invite people without a plus one.

Venue.

If your venue only holds 100 people and the guest list is tight, people should understand if they can’t have a plus one on the invitation. If you were having  the wedding on a paddle steamer and could only have a certain number people should understand. It’s a tough process to work out who you leave on and off the list.

 

Will they know anyone else at the wedding?

I think this is a huge factor, and it’s hard if the people getting married are the only people that the guest knows, it makes sense to me to have someone there that they can bring. For some people it is really hard to strike up a conversation and will really feel uncomfortable having no one else that they know there. I guess it depends on how much you want that person at your wedding. If you really want them there and they don’t really know anyone else that well maybe its worth having them bring a plus one so that you don’t have to be worried that they are ok and feeling like you need to have someone check on them or keep spending time hoping they are having a good time.

Who the guest is.

At my wedding it was really small but my Gran was traveling a long way, it wasn’t really a plus one as such but I suggested that maybe she bring one of her sisters, or a friend with her just so that she was ok, not just with the wedding itself but to have someone staying with her while she was there. Sometimes it’s hard or scary for the elderly especially at night, sometimes other relatives would take them but if that isn’t the case maybe having them able to bring someone makes a difference if they could attend or not. Maybe someone with special needs and would feel better having someone with them.

 

Maybe one of your friends has just separated from a partner, and the wedding might be really tough for them, they may need some extra support and you might want to consider them bringing someone with them, again it really depends who else is going and will there be anyone there from a bigger circle of friends or relatives that they can feel supported by.

I think the whole ‘no ring, no bring’ is  silly, some people don’t want to get married or can’t, it’s silly to call it a ‘no ring, no bring’ rule. I do think though if your mate is a happy single, between partners, hopefully looking or a tinder regular (which is fine, no judgement here) he or she would understand that you probably don’t want to pay for the meal of someone that you will maybe never see again. There are always reasons that you might or might not invite people and I think it is always a case by case situation. What do you think?

A big thank you to Untamed Images for the use of their photos on the blog this week. You can see more of their work on their website or check them out on Facebook by clicking here.

 

Mother of the Bride, and Parents of the Groom

Mum of the Bride and Parents of the Groom seem to get a little bit left out sometimes when it comes to the wedding day. Some don’t really seem to mind that much an are honestly happy just to be there and see that their child’s day is going according to plan. However there have been a few times in the last little while that I have heard murmurs about the Father of the Bride getting all the glory. He gets to walk her down the aisle and he gets to travel in the car with her. Sometimes the Mum of the bride is ok with it all and sometimes clearly she is a bit put out.  Sometimes the parents of the Groom don’t really have any involvement or don’t really seem to be included either. There are ways around this and there are a number of ways that you can include them in your special day.

Have both your parents walk you down the aisle.

This is simple, and it doesn’t take any extra effort, it just means that you can have both of them with you and they can both feel a part of your day. You can also have the groom enter with his parents. There is no rule to say that he has to be at the front waiting for the bride, he can enter any way he likes. You could also have the grooms parents and the mother of the bride seated by special people just before the bride arrives so that they can be taken to their seats just before everything is about to begin. In a wedding I conducted recently the Mother of the bride was met by her father and taken to her seat by him, which is a lovely way for the Grandparent to be included and probably brings back memories for the Grandfather of his own daughters special day too.

Make special mention of them in the ceremony.

There are many ways that you can do this, you can mention something special about them, or consider having a candle ceremony which is a great way to include family, (read my blog about candle ceremonies here), you can also have a section in the wedding where you can ask both sets of parents if they are willing to support the marriage rather than a traditional giving away of the bride. (I’ve blogged about this also) Or you can make mention of them during the ceremony and speak of their commitment to each other and how it has inspired you or something along those lines. You could also have a reading that is dedicated to them.

Have parents sign the marriage register.

This one is a great way to have any of the parents do something that is really special. (Or anyone that is close to you and not in your bridal party) Have them be the witness on all of the legal paperwork. The person who signs doesn’t have to be in the wedding party, they just have to hear the entire ceremony and hear you exchange your vows. (don’t choose your cousin who has a newborn baby, it will be hard if she has to pop out for part of the ceremony) I have conducted a few weddings where parents have been the witness and even had some people choose their Grandparents to include them.

Have the Mum of the Bride or one of the Grooms parents do a reading.

This is a lovely way for parents to be included, I recently conducted a wedding where the grooms Grandmother read a reading. They didn’t know what she was going to say and they just left it up to her. It was a lovely moment and something special for the grooms side of the family to be included. She was really honoured to be involved. This is a great way to include mums and parents of the groom, you may choose the reading for them or let them choose something close to their heart.
Have you been to a wedding where you felt that all important people were a part of the day? How did the couple achieve this?

A big shout out to Vision House Photography for the use of their stunning photos on this weeks blog post.  Take a look at their website here. Follow them on facebook to keep up to date with their latest shoots.