Declaration of no Impediment to Marriage

The Declaration of no Impediment to Marriage is a document that you have to sign before your marriage ceremony. It will be on the reverse side of the Official Certificate of Marriage that you will sign on your wedding day.  It is usually signed at the rehearsal, or the last time that you meet with the celebrant before the big day. It must be signed before you are married. It can be signed on the day if needs be, but it has to be signed legally before the ceremony takes place.

This document is basically a Statutory Declaration that you are over the age of 18 and there is no legal reason that you cannot be married to the person that you are about to marry. (If you are under 18 years of age you can still sign the paperwork, but you have to get a court approval to be married and it must be to someone that is over the age of 18) It states that you are a person who has never been validly married, or that you are a divorced person, or a widow or widower, and that there is no reason you cannot be married to the person that you are marrying.

Photo from Love Journal. Check out more of their work here.

 

 

Why I became a celebrant

I have been asked on a number of occasions, why I became a celebrant. The main reason is that I was inspired, and not so much in a good way. I love a good wedding, (who doesn’t really?) and I have a degree in Photography, but wedding photography wasn’t really my passion. I love photography and I love a wedding but that was it. I didn’t like all of the things that go along with being a wedding photographer and lets be honest, it takes a love and an art to be a great wedding photographer, not every brilliant photographer is even a good wedding photographer. But I digress, back to the topic.

I attended a wedding ceremony, and it was… I don’t want to say terrible, or horrific, or as one person said “the worst wedding I’ve ever been to”… But it had potential to be lovely, and it just wasn’t. It wasn’t the couples fault. There were things that clearly they didn’t think of or that the celebrant hadn’t  mentioned. I’m not too sure what the celebrant had to say either it may have been really nice things, but it wasn’t memorable and I couldn’t hear all of it.

Firstly, the celebrant arrived early as any good celebrant should. They set up a table away from where the ceremony was being held and just waited. There had been no wedding rehearsal.  ( I know this as someone close to me was in the bridal party) the celebrant had the perfect opportunity then to tell the Groom and Groomsmen what would be happening, where they would need to go for the signing of the register, but none of this occurred. They just stood there.

The ceremony was in an area that was open to the general public, and it was a hot hot hot, stupid hot day. The celebrant didn’t speak to any of the people in the area and tell them that there was going to be a wedding taking place or to ask them if they would mind just staying out of the way while the ceremony was on. (It is always a good idea to think about the general public that might be around if you are getting married in a public place and check if their are permits that you need to get, as it is much easier to ask them to move on if you have booked the area)

No one could hear the celebrant, the guests were standing a little way away from the ceremony (maybe 3-4 metres) and there was no PA system. I heard a bit of what was going on when I got up close to take photos. No PA system mixed with the fact that there were people in the area going about their day, made it almost impossible for guests to hear. I know a wedding is about the couple, but why have guests come along if you don’t want them to be witness to the promises that you make.

The confusion that ensued when they had to sign the marriage register baffled me. I remember driving home and talking about it with my husband saying, if the celebrant had just explained it to the groomsmen when she first arrived they could have told the bridesmaids what was happening and it could have at least looked a bit seamless.  I was upset and annoyed that things weren’t perfect for the couple. I really hope that they thought that it was and they weren’t too upset or that people didn’t whinge and moan about it to them. I was also quite baffled that the celebrant would have been paid a considerable amount of money to do the job. She didn’t seem to love what she did or be excited or happy for the couple. I then told my husband that I thought I could do a better job than that. He responded saying ‘why don’t you? You love weddings’. The next week I started looking into the course, and the rest as they say is history.

I just want to make people’s day about them, and have the wedding that they want. I must admit I do love it when guests come and tell me that they thought the wedding was wonderful, or just really suited the couple. I love what I do and always want it to be the best for the people that have chosen me to be a part of their day.

A big thank you to all the photographers who have captured me doing what I love, and letting me use the photos. Check out some of their work.

Thank you to : Amy Schultz, Kirralee, Ateia Photography, and Sarah Churcher!

Tips for writing your own vows

Writing your own vows can be really lovely and make for a really individual wedding ceremony. All the weddings that I have conducted where the couples have written their own vows have been really beautiful. To start though, there are a few things that you need to decide before you write you own vows.

Firstly are you going to show each other the vows before your ceremony or are the vows going to be a surprise? Both options are great, but do remember that sometimes hearing these vows for the first time can be quite emotional. Sometimes even for me! There have been times that I am glad for having the couples share their vows with me first before they are exchanged. Not a good look if the celebrant sheds a little tear. Sometimes they are just so beautiful and heartfelt, and truly perfect for the couple.

If you are not going to share them with each other, consider sharing them with someone that you trust. You don’t want to have vows that are only one sentence long and then have you partners vows go for a good 5 minutes. Again there is nothing wrong with this if it is what you really want, but it is nice if they are a similar length. They don’t need to be the same, but there are ways that you can make sure that they tie in together. You can use the same line at the end, or just use a similar format.

Find some inspiration online. There are some lovely vows out there. This can be also be overwhelming as there is just so much information and some of them are so cheesy and a little gag worthy. If you can be bothered trawling through what is there there can be sections that you can use in your vows and sometimes just having something on your page or screen can be enough to get you starting to say what you want to say to your partner. Keep the vows true to who you are. Make sure that if you are writing your own and you are looking for inspiration on the internet, that you make sure you use words that you would normally use so that they don’t sound forced or out of place.

I find that a lot of people use the questions that I ask them and the answers that they give to these questions can be a great way to work out what you want to say to each other. Some things that you can think about are, What were your first impression of them? When did you know that you were in love? What would you like your partner to promise you in their vows to you? All these things can help you to think about what you want to say.

Did you or will you write your own vows? Do you have any tips on how to write wonderful personal vows?

A big thank you to Kirralee for her wonderful images on the blog this week. Head over to her blog here and read about some amazing weddings.

Sarah and Wayne

I met Sarah and Wayne after a mutual friend suggested that they talk to me about conducting their wedding ceremony, and I also conducted the wedding of their friends Heidi and Alex a few months before.

Sarah and Wayne have spent the last 4 years together, they were in the same group of friends, but not really that close to begin with, but Sarah remembers thinking that Wayne was quiet, well spoken and smiled a lot. Wayne remembers his first impression of Sarah was that she was really excitable, had a wonderful sense of humour and laughed a lot. There are many things that they like to do as a couple, from spending hours chatting over coffee, taking impulsive road trips, to travelling the world together. They both speak fondly of walking together into Monets garden, how they smiled at each other when they realised that it was the calmest place on earth and what an indescribable experience it was to see it together. They also fondly remember walking the streets of Paris in search of a sharpie pen to write on their lock to lock on the lovers lock bridge opposite the Nortre Dame.

Sarah and Wayne were married in May at Inglewood Estate, in Kangaroo Ground. It was my first visit to the venue, and it was spectacular. The chapel was one of the most beautiful that I think I have conducted a wedding in, it was small and stunning, but old and very well looked after. The 95 or so guests fit in perfectly, but made it look very full.

Wayne and Sarah chose to have their ceremony at 5pm, so it was getting later in the day and the sun was starting to go down, they chose to have a first look photo shoot. Which is a great idea especially if you are having a late ceremony, and especially in winter when there isn’t the extended daylight when there is daylight savings. (I have blogged previously about the pros and cons of first look photo shoots, you can read that blog here.) Sarah and her attendants looked amazing! All of the girls had different outfits but were all lovely, and worked really well together. It was really nice to see the bride before the ceremony, it is a moment that I really look forward to, and I thought that it might take away from the moment for me, I must admit that is one of my favorite moments, (I get really excited seeing the brides for the first time and the reaction of the groom too) but I  felt quite privileged that I had already seen her.

Everything went beautifully, and there were some beautiful movie references and quotes throughout the ceremony, and a cute ‘Friends’ moment. (Sarah is a HUGE friends fan) I’m not sure if people picked them out or not but it was a great way for Sarah and Wayne to really personalise their wedding in a way that mean something to them. It was such a fantastic day! Again it makes me feel really privileged to do what  I do. Share in people’s special day and help them exchange vows with one another that mean something to them. It was so great to see Heidi and Alex  again too!

Thanks to Wade for the photos from Sarah and Wayne’s day check out his other work here. Also have  a look at the website of the stunning Inglewood Estate.

Unplugged weddings

I am reading more and more about Unplugged weddings.  I have previously blogged about turning off your phone at the wedding ceremony, but this blog is about taking it a step further.  Obviously people are going to set their phones to silent. (Well you hope that it is obvious) but in unplugged weddings there is a blanket ban on photography too.
On pintrest there are all sorts of examples on how to word this. Maybe using a chalk board at the ceremony or something extra that goes in with your invitations or your order of service booklets.  It’s not because the couple are shy or don’t want photos of their special day, it is about being present in the moment. Coming from a photographic background I can understand how people can feel this way. A camera definitely puts a barrier between yourself and anything that you are photographing. It removes some of your concentration, when you are busy photographing you are thinking about composition, flashes and camera settings.

There has also been a lot in the media about living in the moment, not always photographing it, making actual memories rather than taking photos. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I get it, I understand that we spend all too much time on our devices when we should be spending time with our loved ones and the people that we are with at that moment. I understand wanting people to be immersed in the moment of your wedding, but shouldn’t it be their choice? Is the wedding ceremony the right time for this? Thankfully they will most likely have a professional taking photos.  The wedding ceremony can be an extremely surreal moment, especially for the bride and groom. I agree with living in the moment, but there are times too where photos are a must.

I’m a highly visual person and I use photos and objects to prompt my memory a lot. I would have been devastated if there had have been no photos taken when my son was born. I can’t imagine how that would feel. I won’t ever forget the first time I laid eyes on him, but I’m glad that I have it recorded too.  I must admit, I’m a sucker for a good photo, I have to have photos of everything. I use photos for bookmarks.
It’s been a while since I have been a guest at a wedding ceremony, and I don’t think I can remember the last time that I was a guest at a wedding and didn’t take a stack of photos. I don’t know how I would go. For me now I would be paying attention to all the details as a celebrant and don’t know if I could give an objective opinion on an unplugged wedding.
I love that as a celebrant, photographers are usually happy to provide me with some images to use here on my blog, so I feel lucky in that respect to have lovely photos from each wedding that I am privileged to conduct. Although I don’t ‘need’ photos to remember, I have a marriage register, the photos are oh so lovely to have.

I haven’t spoken to a lot of my photographer friends about this yet, but I am interested to see if they welcome the idea. I imagine that they would. No one getting in the way when the bride is walking down the aisle, no competing for spots in the chapel or having someone step into their shot trying to get their own.  Parents both enjoying the moment of their children’s wedding.

I like the idea from the stand point that everyone is paying attention to the vows that the bride and groom are about to make to each other, and somehow maybe it would give the ceremony a little more of a sacred feel.  What do you think? Could you go to a wedding and not take photographs or have your wedding and ask for it to be ‘Unplugged’?

Thank-you to Vision House Photography for the photos on this weeks blog. Check out their website here and head over and like them on facebook.

Legal wording and Marriage Equality

 

As I celebrant at every wedding I have to say the monitum. It is part of the marriage act and apart from the vows, it is the only thing that MUST be said. Full stop, end of story. The monitum along with the vows are the legal requirements of the marriage and the monitum must be said before the vows.

The monitum is:

I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law.

Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are now about to enter.

Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.

It is a requirement by law and is clearly stated in the marriage act and if it is not said the wedding isn’t valid. Regardless of what you think or I think, it is the law. (Until they change the marriage act, whenever that day may be.)  Ministers of religion do not have to say the monitum. Ministers of religion of recognised denominations and Commonwealth-registered marriage celebrants solemnising religious marriages may use any form of ceremony recognised as sufficient for the purpose by the religious body or organisation of which he or she is a minister. This means that the content of the ceremony and its form must have the formal approval and recognition of the religious body or organisation.

I have read quite a few forums recently that speak about the way that some couples feel about the monitum and they are not always happy with it. They feel the need to say something that represents what they think along with the monitum. Some couples want to say that this is the law and they soon hope that everyone should be allowed to marry whomever they wish.  Some of the comments that I have read on these forums talk about how they are worried how some of their gay guests may feel about the wording, and some of them were saying that they feel that they need to clarify that this is the law, but not their view on marriage. There was quite a lot of debate on the forum and there were clearly two sides on this issue. There was the side of couples of the belief that their friends and family that were gay have been attending weddings for their whole lives and are more than aware of what the law is in this country and feel that drawing attention to the issue in the wedding ceremony might seem a bit odd and make some people feel more uncomfortable than anything. Then there was the other side of the argument that suggested that couples need to make a stand and have their celebrant make a statement about the way that they feel and some of the forums even suggested wording so that the couples could make it known that they do not agree with the statement of the monitum.

What do you think? Are you having a wedding and are you worried about how your gay guests may feel? Have you attended a wedding where a statement was made to speak about the couples belief or statement about the desire of the couple for marriage equality?

 

Thank-you again to the wonderful Vision House Photography for the use of the photos on this weeks blog. Check out their website and like them on facebook to see more of their stunning and award winning photos.