There are so many things to consider when choosing the date of your wedding. Many of these are obvious like the availability of many providers that you will need to make your day fantastic. It needs to be a day that you and your partner choose and that you hope all of your nearest and dearest family and friends can attend. There is a lot that you have to book, you need outfits, a photographer, the celebrant or church organised, the venue, food, drink and numerous other obvious things that you NEED in order to make your day what you want it to be. These are all very important but they are not the topic of this blog post.
It is the little things that make these considerations important in my opinion, and you may totally disagree with me and feel that it is YOUR day and as the happy couple you can do whatever you like, but…
I don’t only spend a lot of time talking to people who are getting married, I spend a lot of time talking to those close to the happy couple and their guests. The considerations that I am talking about are:
* When is the actual date of the wedding?
It may seem silly but what time of year is your wedding? I recently spoke to a friend of mine getting married this year and she was telling me of a friend of hers, who share a lot of close mutual friends, booked their wedding in the 2 weeks before my friends special day. They even have friends that will be in both bridal parties. Not only was my friend a little annoyed, (very understandably as her wedding date was announced first!) she was more concerned about the friends that they shared. Will they cope with the costs involved of having two weddings so close together? How will events like hens days, kitchen teas, or bridesmaid duties all go, being around the same time? Will those people in both bridal parties be over it all by the time my friends special day comes around? A similar thing happened to my closest friend and she was worried about all the families that would have to travel. She changed the date of her wedding, just so that it didn’t put financial pressure on the family to travel great distances to attend both weddings.
* Who is involved?
Think about other people just a little. I don’t mean this nastily, I mean think about the people that might really want something to do in your wedding but who are too polite who to tell you how to run your day and request that they be included in some way. The may be involved as simply as asking their opinion on certain parts of the ceremony. For example, continuing family traditions or starting new ones. I have a couple of blogs about Accessories with Special Meaning, and Selecting and Honouring People in your Wedding. Your wedding is about you, but never underestimate what a small gesture can mean to very special people in your lives.
* How will certain things make people feel?
Think about Children that may need to be included, about all parents rather that just the brides family in the asking. Think about how would your brother feel if he is the only sibling without a job to do throughout the day? Would having a song that you love at the wedding that one of your friends recently had at a family members funeral affect that friend? ( I have attended a wedding where this happened, the bride chose a song for when they were leaving that one of their friends had at her fathers funeral a few weeks before, she ran out of the room in tears). Little things that some people may think don’t matter. Some things that you can talk to people about and other things that just have to be ruled out because it is just the right thing to do. Don’t mention the battle with cancer that someone is having directly, but maybe acknowledge that person in a special way in the service without drawing attention to them obviously.
* Where people are seated?
Again I have written a blog about this, you can read it here. But as much as it won’t really affect you on your day, it is nice to consider how the dynamic will be at tables and be mindful of sitting people with people they will be comfortable with.
I could write about these topics all day. These things are not vital to your day running smoothly, and as I always say your wedding should be about you and your partner, and reflecting your personalities. Saying that though, I do think with a little thought, lots of little heartaches can be avoided and people will feel very special to be included in your day. Some of these things will never be known to anyone too, but you can then take comfort in knowing that you have done as much as you can to take the stress off as many other people as possible, which in turn can take a lot of stress off you.
Has this sort of thing happened to you, or have you been to a wedding where people blatantly didn’t think of how their actions would impact others?