This is a tough one, how many people will you have at your wedding?
How many people will the venue hold?
How much is this going to cost?
These are all important questions and ones that will make a huge difference to who you can have and wont have on your guest lists. I hear so many stories when I meet with couples about how many people they are having at their wedding and how many issues they are having with who their parents want them to invite. There are so many questions that need to be considered – do you invite partners of friends if they haven’t been with them long? Or do you have to invite your work colleges significant other? Is it rude to have 1st and 2nd round offer invitations?
These are all valid questions and only you can decide what you want at your wedding. There are however a few points of view to consider when you are contemplating all of these questions. Firstly, who do you want there and who do you have to have there? If you have already booked a venue will all your proposed guests fit into it ? When I had my wedding the venue only held 50 people and I wasn’t too upset with that. Some of my relatives that didn’t get an invite suggested that I could have had it somewhere else where everyone could have come. For this to happen, firstly I wouldn’t get the venue that I wanted and secondly I would have had to opt for something like a finger food event. Don’t get me wrong a finger food wedding is perfect if that is what you want. It wasn’t what I had my heart set on, so I opted for less people, for a sit down meal. It was what my husband and I wanted. So we needed to be prepared for some people to feel left out.
Who is paying for the wedding? This makes quite a difference. If you are paying for your own wedding, I personally think it is reasonable to have just who you want there, but if your parents are chipping in money, they are probably going to want to invite some of the people that they want there. This can cause problems, especially if you don’t particularly like your Mum’s second best friend that she has to have there. So some compromise might be in order from both sides. Maybe try to trade for one of the friends that you do really like and try to see it from their point of view too, they will be really proud of you and want some of the people close to them there to share this moment with them too. I know that the wedding is YOUR day, but it is a special moment for them too.
Budget plays a huge part in your day and who you can and can’t invite. At the end of the day, a wedding can be really expensive and lists can get out of control. Be prepared that some people might be offended if you don’t invite their partner. I can understand if you have single friends, that you leave off the plus one, but some people get quite offended when you don’t invite their long time partner or spouse. I have asked around a number of my friends and the responses are varied and sometimes surprised me who would be offended and who wouldn’t mind. This can also be an issue when deciding if you are going to invite children to the wedding or not. This can only be something that you decide and depending on the venue. Some venues are just not child friendly, you just have to be prepared that some people may not like it if their children are not invited. Some children obviously should come to the wedding even if it is a no children event. If one of your friends has a 6 week old baby, make sure that you assure them that their baby is welcome, especially if you have made it obvious that it is a no children wedding. Then they wont feel awkward having to ask you.
Second round offer invites are something that I have heard about, some people send out some invites with one date and then if they have a large number of people that cannot come they do another round of invites. I can’t really see anything wrong with this, unless some people get their nose out of joint for not being on the first round invites. There will always be people who want to be invited that aren’t. It is something that will happen to everyone. But then the next challenge is the seating arrangements but that is for another blog!
Do you have any stories or tips for controlling wedding numbers?
Thanks to Daniel for the lovely wedding photos, he also takes beautiful portraits, check out his work here, or send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org