This may be a tough subject, but a friend of mine suggested a blog topic to me, to Trust Yourself. She said it might not be something that a lot of people talk about. When I asked her what she meant, she told me about her own story. She was in a seven year old relationship, she had been living with her partner for quite some time and her partner had proposed to her. She said yes, and was happy to start planning their wedding and their new life together. As the planning process went on she started feeling as though something about this wasn’t right, and it wasn’t nerves or cold feet. It wasn’t a normal nervousness about embarking on a new chapter in her life shared with someone else. In the beginning she thought that it was just how relationships worked and that maybe a wedding would make her feel differently about her partner, but when she was finally honest with herself she knew she loved him and cared for him, but wasn’t in love with him anymore.
She mentioned to me that she thought during the process how hard will it be if she had children with this man that later in life she would have to divorce their father. She couldn’t see herself with him 10 years down the track, a bit older, wiser and with fond memories made or imagine them happy in 10 years. She could only imagine sitting down with a daughter, saying “I’m sorry, I could have avoided all of this”.
My friend also mentioned to me the support that she received from the people around her, even though things were well on their way, deposits paid and the date of the wedding was drawing closer, she just knew that she couldn’t do it. While she packed her bags, the thoughts of the daughter that could have been and the conversation she felt they would have been destined to have is what kept her packing. With her mum waiting around the corner in the car, she broke the news.
There were so many people who said that they wished that they had the strength that she had, friends who confided in her saying that it was something that they should have done, but it was just to hard. Even the ex- fiancé’s mother called to thank her. There were also the friends that she lost, the ones who couldn’t believe she could just do that.
When we were talking about all the feelings that she had looking back now, she realises that she was going to settle, because she thought that she couldn’t get anyone better than him. With hindsight she can see that she was being untrue to herself. Compromising who she was, to do the things that only he liked doing, and the things that only he was interested in. She recognised that he wouldn’t do the things that she liked, or try to even be interested in something simply because it made her happy. It was a very hard decision for my friend to make to end her relationship of seven years and to start again. She feels that it was the best thing that she did though, now she is happy and in a relationship with a man that she adores, and her ex is happy, moved on with his life too. She has now found someone who understands her and allows her to be herself and to be loved for the person that she is.
Really isn’t that what we all want to find that person who ‘gets’ us, who realises that no one is perfect. A person who loves us for that special individual imperfect person that we are. Someone that when we are with them that wherever in the world we are, we are home.
Thanks to my lovely friend who shared her story with me, and also to my friend Michael Thomas for the use of his fantastic image, check out his other work at www.mthom.com